18 Wheels & A Dozen Stories...
True Life Stories from the Road
Part 1
Bath Room Humor
Trucker Lingo
Tales from the Tavern
Bath Room Humor
Chapter 1
How Women Really Act in The Rest Room
Sorry ladies, but it's time that someone tells the truth! Have you ever wondered what really goes on in the ladies bathroom? We don't always go in there to adjust our clothing, to check our make-up and hair or to gossip with our friends. Ladies stink and make noises too, just like men! I have been in numerous rest rooms where I have heard some of the most disgusting noises come out women! I have been fortunate enough a couple of times to be able to put a face with the assailant. On one occasion, I followed this lovely young woman wearing oh-so tight and fashionable clothing,into a 2 seater rest room. Ever heard of the "Taco Shits"? I was so embarrassed for her! Well, only for a few seconds anyway. I was having to hard of a time keeping my laughter at bay to be embarrassed for her for to long. Another time while I was using the rest room, I could hear this other lady grunting pretty hard and it wasn't to long until I heard her rip a good one followed by a splash and a sigh of relief. After leaving the rest room, I was telling my husband about the incident when an older woman, slightly red in the face, came shuffling out of the bath room. I did feel bad about all the stifled giggles that I had let out that I just know she had to hear. But you know what? One day I might be that old woman and I probably won't care what some punk-ass kid might think.
Chapter 2
Port-A-Potties & Rest Areas
I'm sure that every one has used a port-a-potty at least once in their life time and it's a memory no-one is likely to forget. Did you know that they have made upgrades to these stinky, hell closets? Out in California they have added sinks to the inside of the building or they have a mounted dispenser of hand sanitizer. At one shipping yard they have 4 port-a-potties divided by 2 outdoor sinks. With all these improvements you would think that they would do something about the smell or at least clean them out more than once every 2 weeks. Not to long ago we seen a couple of port-a-potties lined up between the divided freeway. It looked as though there was just enough room to park, possibly for that one trucker who just couldn't hold it anymore!
Did you know that rest areas in New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, and California all have wild life warning signs? There's nothing like running to the rest area rest rooms in the middle of the night knowing what could be out there. This is what they usually say: WARNING! Rest areas may be hazardous. Beware of rattlesnakes, large spiders, scorpions.....you get the idea. I have yet to see a rattlesnake, but I have seen my fair share of spiders and scorpions at the most inconvenient of times, not much you can do when you are sitting on the toilet except watch it come closer to you. Your only hope is that you can step on it before it bites or stings you. Some rest areas are very unique and are built in the strangest of places. I have been to rest areas that were built on old over passes. These can be seen mainly in Chicago, but there are others. There are rest areas and parking areas that over look some of the most beautiful landscapes. I have been fortunate enough to stop at many of these that are along Hwy 101 in California. There are others that have been built with pride for their state (Texas), some offer free coffee and information desks. I'm still looking for the one in California that offers free WI-FI!! When you do get the chance to get out and travel, check out some of the rest areas along the way and you never know what you will find. I have been fortunate enough to buy hand made jewelry and pottery that were made by the Navajo Indians. At others you will find interesting vending machines that offer ice cream, soup, sandwiches, and off-the-wall snacks. One of my favorite rest areas is located about 30 miles east of Flagstaff, AZ. Huge red mesas surround the buildings and you are allowed to climb up on the top of them and look around. My husband's favorite is a rest area that is located on I10 in the Texas Canyon (enormously large piles of rocks) which strange enough is located in Arizona.
Chapter 3
Humorous Bath Room Stories
Train, Train
One of my trucking buddies once told me about a time that he was almost caught using the bath room on the side of the freeway in Oregon. "Out of no-where I felt this white hot pain in my gut and I knew that I was in trouble. Praying for gas but getting more than I bargained for, I got off the freeway the best I could and jumped out of the truck. My wife, not knowing what the hell was going on, had to re-set the brakes right since I didn't have time to think about anything other than getting the hell out before I lost all control. About half-way through this ordeal, my wife started to yell out the door at me. I couldn't hear everything she said and started to turn around when I seen a very large bright light, illuminating me and the surrounding area. I realized at that moment what my wife was trying to tell me, it was a TRAIN! I yelled at her to turn off all the chicken lights and ducked between the truck and trailer. After the train passed I returned to the truck for some paper towels and a different pair of shorts. I couldn't believe it when she asked me what happened to the shorts, did she think I was going to bother washing them when it was easier to leave them on the side of the road? Besides, that was one smell I wanted to leave behind!"
Watch Your Step
My husband, Mike told me about another guy who while taking a crap on the side of the road, fell off a guard rail... A friend of Mike's was training a new guy (newbie, amateur) to drive. One day after going to bed, he got up and told the trainer to pull the truck over right now that he had to go. The only place to pull over was a wide spot next to a guard rail. The trainer had to park so close to the guard rail that the new guy had to step out on it. He told the trainer he would be right back, grabbed the paper towels and stepped out the door. He stepped off the guard rail only to find that there was no ground under him. Instead, the ground dropped straight down at the edge of the guard rail. The trainer noticed that he had been gone for along time, when the new guy finally came back and opened the door. The trainer noticed that the he was all scratched up, with only his underwear on and covered in shit. He told trainer that when he stepped off the guard rail he rolled straight down the hill shitting himself the whole way. After using all the water and paper towels in the truck the new guy said "Watch getting out of the truck on that side, the first step is hell!"
Hike Your Leg
I have this really great friend I met while I was attending truck driving school and I'm still not sure how he stayed sober enough to make it to class everyday. He told me that one time he was so drunk that he woke up in a puddle of piss. "I looked over at my buddy and asked him what the hell happened? "Well," he said "You thought it would be funny to piss like a dog. You got onto all fours, lifted your leg and pissed right there on the bed!" "After taking a long, hot shower I returned to the room and told my buddy, "The next time I get drunk and decide that I'm a dog, why don't you make me go outside instead of letting me make a fool of myself?" "Why?" he said "It's a hell of a lot more funny when I leave you alone."
The Water Fall
This next story comes from personal experience but I promised I wouldn't tell who the perpetrator was but I can't figure a way to tell this story other than my first hand experience. I LOVE YOU MIKE!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! THIS STORY IS JUST TO GREAT TO NOT TELL! Later on in this series I will be telling stories about bars and such this story should be told at the end of our New Year's bash in Connecticut but....After a night of drinking, dancing and celebrating we retired to our truck which was parked in the "back pasture" lot of the resort. Treading through ankle deep snow we finally made it inside and settled down for the night. About 3 hours after laying down, I was awakened abruptly by the sound of running water. Looking around I noticed that my loving, drunk husband was lying on his back peeing his little heart out. "What do you think you are doing?" I asked. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he said. "Do you have any idea where you are?" "In the bath room, where else?" "No, your not in the bath room! Your pissing in the bed and its coming towards me!!" I may have
been a little rough but I wasn't exactly happy about getting pissed on. After cleaning up the mess, flipping the mattress over and replacing the sheets we were finally able to get some rest with out any 'surprises'.
Trucker Lingo
Chapter 1
The Trucker Lingo Glossary
Have you every listened to a C.B. Radio and wondered what the hell they were talking about? Alpha numerics and 10 codes aside, truckers have a style of slang all their own. I have put together a glossary of terms and definitions to help non-trucking civilians understand our lingo better:
Zipper Line: The yellow dotted line in the middle of the highway.
Gator: The tread off a big truck tire that has blown
most commonly off a recap (reconditioned/retreaded tire).
Four Wheelers: Cars, pick-ups, & suv's that are most commonly a pain in the ass.
Evil Kenevil: Motor cycle cop.
Parking Lot: A truck that hauls automobiles. This term is also used when defining a traffic jam.
Dry Box: A box trailer with out a refrigeration unit.
Garbage: Produce load.
Reefer: A refrigerated, insulated box trailer.
Skate Board: A truck pulling a flat bed trailer.
Bed Bugger: A truck that moves house hold goods from one home to another.
Chicken Truck: A truck that actually hauls chicken. Also used to describe a well-lit truck.
Seat Cover: A hot, sexy, guy or gal riding in a four wheeler.
Lot Lizard: A prostitute working a truck stop.
Horizontal Hostesses: See Lot Lizard
Recreational Reptiles: See Lot Lizard
Polar Bear: A white marked or unmarked police car.
Plain Wrapper: UN-marked police car.
City Kitty: (I used to be one of these!) A city police officer.
Smokey Bear: Any law enforcement vehicle.
Full Grown Bears: A state trooper.
County Mounties: (Mike used to be one of these!) Sheriff's
deputies, county police cars.
Diesel Bears: Police officers that deal mainly with commercial vehicles, aka big trucks.
Chicken Coops: Weigh Stations or scale houses.
Naked Birds: What a trucker calls his load of chicken.
Chicken Juice: Ever followed a big truck and wondered what that was draining from the back of his trailer? It's not always water! This is the water drain off from fresh chicken. Some say its a great for breakfast.(Not really)
Sail Boat Fuel: An empty dry box or reefer trailer.
Hammer Lane: The left lane on the interstate.
Bull Wagon: A truck that hauls livestock, mainly cows.
Front Door: This is a truck that the truck driver follows when breaking the speed limit.
Back Door: The last truck in the line thats following the front door, keeping watch on what's coming up behind them.
Convoy: A long line of trucks running together. Sometimes this can be done at a high rate of speed, not speaking from experience or anything. LOL
Roach Coaches: Portable concession stands. Most of you have seen these at fairs and carnivals. These are a bit different than those. You can find these at shipping and receiving yards all around California and Arizona; some are even hanging around the grocery warehouses on the East coast. They offer a wide variety of food from chicken on a stick, to burgers, and home made burritos.
Bug Checks: These are border patrol check stations located mostly in New Mexico, Texas, Arizona and California Most check for illegal aliens and drugs some others check for actual bugs that could be contaminating a produce load.
Tales from the Tavern
Chapter 1
Bars Across America
Throughout these past 6 years I have had several opportunities to visit many bars and taverns across this great country of ours. Each place has its own story and I have selected some of our favorite stories to share with you. So, go grab a cold one and enjoy!
Bar Name Here/Utica, NY
A few years ago we got a chance to check out Utica, NY. Arriving the night before we had to pick up a load of beer, we found a place to park and decided to check things out. After dragging Mike through an antique shop/flea market, we decided to stop in at a local bar. I walked down to a local pizza-ria and got 4 slices of the most wonderful pizza I have ever ate! After enjoying our meal, we began drinking and talking to the locals. Before to long we become quite popular since we are the only southerners in there. We didn't have to buy to many of our own drinks, between the bar owner and the locals we only spent $20 on alcohol. It was the first time I've ever seen my husband dance by himself. I wasn't embarrassed either, he looked like he was having so much fun! There was this really great band there and we got to know them as well. I did buy one of their Cd's and I made each one of them sign it telling them the whole time that I was going to sell it on e-bay one day when they were really famous. We had a really great night, and we left so drunk that we couldn't get the key to fit in the door. After figuring the key problem out, I started getting ready for bed and Mike passed out in the driver's seat. I nudged him to wake him up and when tried to get up, he fell over in between the seats. He mumbled something and passed out again. I took a good look at him, I wanted to remember this so I could razz him about it later. He was laying on his right side with his feet on the driver's door and his head up against the bunk. I woke him up again and he sat back up in the chair. I let him stay up there for a little while and passed out in the bed. I woke up about an hour later to find him back in the floor in the same position! Finally I got him to wake up long enough so I could get him to bed. Waking up the next morning was great for me and terrible for Mike. In my entire life I have never had a hang over (I'm about a ¼ Irish). Ironically, we had to pick up a load of the same beer he had gotten so drunk on. I swear he puked the entire time they were loading us. My poor man! I didn't feel that bad since he had brought it on himself, but I couldn't stand to see him sick. I tried to help by giving him sprite and crackers but I found out that's not what is needed when you have a hang over!
Banger's Bar/Auburndale, WI
Back in 2004 we were on our way to make a delivery to the West coast somewhere, and we decided to stop in Auburndale, WI. Poor mike, yet again I dragged him through the local antique store/flea market (he likes it as much as I do but don't tell him I said so, ego thing). We had worked up quite the appetite and decided to try out the local tavern. We ordered a large pile of cheese curds (OMG!) and some of the best burgers around. After supper we started up a conversation with some local guys that were sitting near by. They talked us into trying this new drink called a "Yager Bomb". Not really a fan of neither red bull nor yagermiester, I didn't think I would like this new drink to well. Boy was I wrong! If you haven't tried one yet, you should! They can be quite addicting, especially when every time I came back from the rest room I would find a fresh drink waiting for me. We decided to challenge these Northerners and they accepted. Much later in the night, I noticed that one of the guys had been in the bathroom a lot longer than he should have and I told Mike to go check on him. Not finding him in there, we looked outside and the guy was passed out in the passenger seat of his friend's truck. After getting them home safely, we partied with the owner until after closing time. Since we were so far ahead of schedule, Mike got the chance to sleep his hang over off this time and we went back into the bar for another round of cheese curds and burgers.
Unknown Country Club/Somewhere in CT
Sorry, we can't remember what the bar's name was or where the heck it is in CT.
Ahh...Connecticut! We were lucky enough to deliver on New Years Eve and didn't have to worry about picking up a load until the day after New Years. We got permission to drop our trailer and started looking for a cool bar to bring the New Year in at. We stopped at a really cool "fisher man's wharf" style bar, this place had lots of cool nautical antiques but very few people. Asking around, we found that most of the locals were at the country club/resort. After making sure that we could attend, we got directions and took off. $40 per person was the charge just to be able to stay in the bar, but this was an open bar with a buffet of finger foods. We could have forked out the $60 a piece for the fancy dinner and dancing but being truckers and not having fancy clothes with us, we thought it best to stay in the bar. Good thing that we did too. One of the bartenders took us in and made sure that we got the good champagne at midnight not the cheap stuff that everyone else got. What a night! I kissed and hugged people I will probably never see again and got to sing that silly New Year's song with a bar room full of drunks! Eventually the fancy dress people began to mingle with the bar patrons and before we knew it we were swept up into a fabulous dance party that was pretty damn crowded! It was great to dance with different people and I had a wonderful time getting to know those dang Yankees a little better!!
Holiday Inn/Grand Island, NE
Later on in my installments I will be talking about break downs, and this bar story comes from one of those times that our truck broke down in Grand Island, NE. We ended up staying at the Holiday Inn for a 3 day weekend. The first night there is the most memorable. We decided to visit the bar down stairs and get ourselves something to eat. After a great steak dinner, we decided to get down to business and meet the locals and patrons of this little bar. We were fortunate enough to meet this guy who is from Australia, OMG!, what an accent! We found out that this was his first time to America and we had a great time visiting with him. We even exchange currency, a couple of my state hood quarters for 1 of his Australian coins. After the Aussie wimped out for the night, there was only 4 customers left including ourselves. The bartender decided to close early and the 5 of us had a great time drinking free Cabo Wabo shots, playing darts, dancing like fools with the music from the juke box and there was a wet t-shirt competition. As far as any winners go, the guys were flat chested as usual. For the competition with the gals, a winner could not be determined and we decided on a draw.
Just a Note...
I don't want everyone to think we are alcoholics, these stories took 6 years to compile and it's been since 2006 or so since we have had the opportunity to stop at a bar. I don't always go in there with the intention to get drunk and rarely leave in a drunken state. I enjoy hanging out with new people and being a part of their life for just a moment. Making memories and telling stories is just some of the great things about being a trucker. Approach each day with the determination, live one day at a time. Don't focus on the little things, this day is a gift to us from God. Make the best of what you have and live life to it's fullest. There may be no tomorrow, and no one knows what the future has to hold for us. Be sure that your loved ones and friends know that you love and care for them. To know God is to know peace. Be careful out there! I hope to have more installments uploaded to my blog space soon and I really hope that everyone enjoys reading this 4 part installment as much as I did writing it. We are having a great time reminiscing about the past. Michelle
P.S. Please feel free to leave any type of comment you wish, I want your complete honesty. I hope to publish a book one day.
18 Wheels & A Dozen Stories...
True Life Stories from the Road
Part 1
Bath Room Humor
Trucker Lingo
Tales from the Tavern
Bath Room Humor
Chapter 1
How Women Really Act in The Rest Room
Sorry ladies, but it's time that someone tells the truth! Have you ever wondered what really goes on in the ladies bathroom? We don't always go in there to adjust our clothing, to check our make-up and hair or to gossip with our friends. Ladies stink and make noises too, just like men! I have been in numerous rest rooms where I have heard some of the most disgusting noises come out women! I have been fortunate enough a couple of times to be able to put a face with the assailant. On one occasion, I followed this lovely young woman wearing oh-so tight and fashionable clothing,into a 2 seater rest room. Ever heard of the "Taco Shits"? I was so embarrassed for her! Well, only for a few seconds anyway. I was having to hard of a time keeping my laughter at bay to be embarrassed for her for to long. Another time while I was using the rest room, I could hear this other lady grunting pretty hard and it wasn't to long until I heard her rip a good one followed by a splash and a sigh of relief. After leaving the rest room, I was telling my husband about the incident when an older woman, slightly red in the face, came shuffling out of the bath room. I did feel bad about all the stifled giggles that I had let out that I just know she had to hear. But you know what? One day I might be that old woman and I probably won't care what some punk-ass kid might think.
Chapter 2
Port-A-Potties & Rest Areas
I'm sure that every one has used a port-a-potty at least once in their life time and it's a memory no-one is likely to forget. Did you know that they have made upgrades to these stinky, hell closets? Out in California they have added sinks to the inside of the building or they have a mounted dispenser of hand sanitizer. At one shipping yard they have 4 port-a-potties divided by 2 outdoor sinks. With all these improvements you would think that they would do something about the smell or at least clean them out more than once every 2 weeks. Not to long ago we seen a couple of port-a-potties lined up between the divided freeway. It looked as though there was just enough room to park, possibly for that one trucker who just couldn't hold it anymore!
Did you know that rest areas in New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, and California all have wild life warning signs? There's nothing like running to the rest area rest rooms in the middle of the night knowing what could be out there. This is what they usually say: WARNING! Rest areas may be hazardous. Beware of rattlesnakes, large spiders, scorpions.....you get the idea. I have yet to see a rattlesnake, but I have seen my fair share of spiders and scorpions at the most inconvenient of times, not much you can do when you are sitting on the toilet except watch it come closer to you. Your only hope is that you can step on it before it bites or stings you. Some rest areas are very unique and are built in the strangest of places. I have been to rest areas that were built on old over passes. These can be seen mainly in Chicago, but there are others. There are rest areas and parking areas that over look some of the most beautiful landscapes. I have been fortunate enough to stop at many of these that are along Hwy 101 in California. There are others that have been built with pride for their state (Texas), some offer free coffee and information desks. I'm still looking for the one in California that offers free WI-FI!! When you do get the chance to get out and travel, check out some of the rest areas along the way and you never know what you will find. I have been fortunate enough to buy hand made jewelry and pottery that were made by the Navajo Indians. At others you will find interesting vending machines that offer ice cream, soup, sandwiches, and off-the-wall snacks. One of my favorite rest areas is located about 30 miles east of Flagstaff, AZ. Huge red mesas surround the buildings and you are allowed to climb up on the top of them and look around. My husband's favorite is a rest area that is located on I10 in the Texas Canyon (enormously large piles of rocks) which strange enough is located in Arizona.
Chapter 3
Humorous Bath Room Stories
Train, Train
One of my trucking buddies once told me about a time that he was almost caught using the bath room on the side of the freeway in Oregon. "Out of no-where I felt this white hot pain in my gut and I knew that I was in trouble. Praying for gas but getting more than I bargained for, I got off the freeway the best I could and jumped out of the truck. My wife, not knowing what the hell was going on, had to re-set the brakes right since I didn't have time to think about anything other than getting the hell out before I lost all control. About half-way through this ordeal, my wife started to yell out the door at me. I couldn't hear everything she said and started to turn around when I seen a very large bright light, illuminating me and the surrounding area. I realized at that moment what my wife was trying to tell me, it was a TRAIN! I yelled at her to turn off all the chicken lights and ducked between the truck and trailer. After the train passed I returned to the truck for some paper towels and a different pair of shorts. I couldn't believe it when she asked me what happened to the shorts, did she think I was going to bother washing them when it was easier to leave them on the side of the road? Besides, that was one smell I wanted to leave behind!"
Watch Your Step
My husband, Mike told me about another guy who while taking a crap on the side of the road, fell off a guard rail... A friend of Mike's was training a new guy (newbie, amateur) to drive. One day after going to bed, he got up and told the trainer to pull the truck over right now that he had to go. The only place to pull over was a wide spot next to a guard rail. The trainer had to park so close to the guard rail that the new guy had to step out on it. He told the trainer he would be right back, grabbed the paper towels and stepped out the door. He stepped off the guard rail only to find that there was no ground under him. Instead, the ground dropped straight down at the edge of the guard rail. The trainer noticed that he had been gone for along time, when the new guy finally came back and opened the door. The trainer noticed that the he was all scratched up, with only his underwear on and covered in shit. He told trainer that when he stepped off the guard rail he rolled straight down the hill shitting himself the whole way. After using all the water and paper towels in the truck the new guy said "Watch getting out of the truck on that side, the first step is hell!"
Hike Your Leg
I have this really great friend I met while I was attending truck driving school and I'm still not sure how he stayed sober enough to make it to class everyday. He told me that one time he was so drunk that he woke up in a puddle of piss. "I looked over at my buddy and asked him what the hell happened? "Well," he said "You thought it would be funny to piss like a dog. You got onto all fours, lifted your leg and pissed right there on the bed!" "After taking a long, hot shower I returned to the room and told my buddy, "The next time I get drunk and decide that I'm a dog, why don't you make me go outside instead of letting me make a fool of myself?" "Why?" he said "It's a hell of a lot more funny when I leave you alone."
The Water Fall
This next story comes from personal experience but I promised I wouldn't tell who the perpetrator was but I can't figure a way to tell this story other than my first hand experience. I LOVE YOU MIKE!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! THIS STORY IS JUST TO GREAT TO NOT TELL! Later on in this series I will be telling stories about bars and such this story should be told at the end of our New Year's bash in Connecticut but....After a night of drinking, dancing and celebrating we retired to our truck which was parked in the "back pasture" lot of the resort. Treading through ankle deep snow we finally made it inside and settled down for the night. About 3 hours after laying down, I was awakened abruptly by the sound of running water. Looking around I noticed that my loving, drunk husband was lying on his back peeing his little heart out. "What do you think you are doing?" I asked. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he said. "Do you have any idea where you are?" "In the bath room, where else?" "No, your not in the bath room! Your pissing in the bed and its coming towards me!!" I may have
been a little rough but I wasn't exactly happy about getting pissed on. After cleaning up the mess, flipping the mattress over and replacing the sheets we were finally able to get some rest with out any 'surprises'.
Trucker Lingo
Chapter 1
The Trucker Lingo Glossary
Have you every listened to a C.B. Radio and wondered what the hell they were talking about? Alpha numerics and 10 codes aside, truckers have a style of slang all their own. I have put together a glossary of terms and definitions to help non-trucking civilians understand our lingo better:
Zipper Line: The yellow dotted line in the middle of the highway.
Gator: The tread off a big truck tire that has blown
most commonly off a recap (reconditioned/retreaded tire).
Four Wheelers: Cars, pick-ups, & suv's that are most commonly a pain in the ass.
Evil Kenevil: Motor cycle cop.
Parking Lot: A truck that hauls automobiles. This term is also used when defining a traffic jam.
Dry Box: A box trailer with out a refrigeration unit.
Garbage: Produce load.
Reefer: A refrigerated, insulated box trailer.
Skate Board: A truck pulling a flat bed trailer.
Bed Bugger: A truck that moves house hold goods from one home to another.
Chicken Truck: A truck that actually hauls chicken. Also used to describe a well-lit truck.
Seat Cover: A hot, sexy, guy or gal riding in a four wheeler.
Lot Lizard: A prostitute working a truck stop.
Horizontal Hostesses: See Lot Lizard
Recreational Reptiles: See Lot Lizard
Polar Bear: A white marked or unmarked police car.
Plain Wrapper: UN-marked police car.
City Kitty: (I used to be one of these!) A city police officer.
Smokey Bear: Any law enforcement vehicle.
Full Grown Bears: A state trooper.
County Mounties: (Mike used to be one of these!) Sheriff's
deputies, county police cars.
Diesel Bears: Police officers that deal mainly with commercial vehicles, aka big trucks.
Chicken Coops: Weigh Stations or scale houses.
Naked Birds: What a trucker calls his load of chicken.
Chicken Juice: Ever followed a big truck and wondered what that was draining from the back of his trailer? It's not always water! This is the water drain off from fresh chicken. Some say its a great for breakfast.(Not really)
Sail Boat Fuel: An empty dry box or reefer trailer.
Hammer Lane: The left lane on the interstate.
Bull Wagon: A truck that hauls livestock, mainly cows.
Front Door: This is a truck that the truck driver follows when breaking the speed limit.
Back Door: The last truck in the line thats following the front door, keeping watch on what's coming up behind them.
Convoy: A long line of trucks running together. Sometimes this can be done at a high rate of speed, not speaking from experience or anything. LOL
Roach Coaches: Portable concession stands. Most of you have seen these at fairs and carnivals. These are a bit different than those. You can find these at shipping and receiving yards all around California and Arizona; some are even hanging around the grocery warehouses on the East coast. They offer a wide variety of food from chicken on a stick, to burgers, and home made burritos.
Bug Checks: These are border patrol check stations located mostly in New Mexico, Texas, Arizona and California Most check for illegal aliens and drugs some others check for actual bugs that could be contaminating a produce load.
Tales from the Tavern
Chapter 1
Bars Across America
Throughout these past 6 years I have had several opportunities to visit many bars and taverns across this great country of ours. Each place has its own story and I have selected some of our favorite stories to share with you. So, go grab a cold one and enjoy!
Bar Name Here/Utica, NY
A few years ago we got a chance to check out Utica, NY. Arriving the night before we had to pick up a load of beer, we found a place to park and decided to check things out. After dragging Mike through an antique shop/flea market, we decided to stop in at a local bar. I walked down to a local pizza-ria and got 4 slices of the most wonderful pizza I have ever ate! After enjoying our meal, we began drinking and talking to the locals. Before to long we become quite popular since we are the only southerners in there. We didn't have to buy to many of our own drinks, between the bar owner and the locals we only spent $20 on alcohol. It was the first time I've ever seen my husband dance by himself. I wasn't embarrassed either, he looked like he was having so much fun! There was this really great band there and we got to know them as well. I did buy one of their Cd's and I made each one of them sign it telling them the whole time that I was going to sell it on e-bay one day when they were really famous. We had a really great night, and we left so drunk that we couldn't get the key to fit in the door. After figuring the key problem out, I started getting ready for bed and Mike passed out in the driver's seat. I nudged him to wake him up and when tried to get up, he fell over in between the seats. He mumbled something and passed out again. I took a good look at him, I wanted to remember this so I could razz him about it later. He was laying on his right side with his feet on the driver's door and his head up against the bunk. I woke him up again and he sat back up in the chair. I let him stay up there for a little while and passed out in the bed. I woke up about an hour later to find him back in the floor in the same position! Finally I got him to wake up long enough so I could get him to bed. Waking up the next morning was great for me and terrible for Mike. In my entire life I have never had a hang over (I'm about a ¼ Irish). Ironically, we had to pick up a load of the same beer he had gotten so drunk on. I swear he puked the entire time they were loading us. My poor man! I didn't feel that bad since he had brought it on himself, but I couldn't stand to see him sick. I tried to help by giving him sprite and crackers but I found out that's not what is needed when you have a hang over!
Banger's Bar/Auburndale, WI
Back in 2004 we were on our way to make a delivery to the West coast somewhere, and we decided to stop in Auburndale, WI. Poor mike, yet again I dragged him through the local antique store/flea market (he likes it as much as I do but don't tell him I said so, ego thing). We had worked up quite the appetite and decided to try out the local tavern. We ordered a large pile of cheese curds (OMG!) and some of the best burgers around. After supper we started up a conversation with some local guys that were sitting near by. They talked us into trying this new drink called a "Yager Bomb". Not really a fan of neither red bull nor yagermiester, I didn't think I would like this new drink to well. Boy was I wrong! If you haven't tried one yet, you should! They can be quite addicting, especially when every time I came back from the rest room I would find a fresh drink waiting for me. We decided to challenge these Northerners and they accepted. Much later in the night, I noticed that one of the guys had been in the bathroom a lot longer than he should have and I told Mike to go check on him. Not finding him in there, we looked outside and the guy was passed out in the passenger seat of his friend's truck. After getting them home safely, we partied with the owner until after closing time. Since we were so far ahead of schedule, Mike got the chance to sleep his hang over off this time and we went back into the bar for another round of cheese curds and burgers.
Unknown Country Club/Somewhere in CT
Sorry, we can't remember what the bar's name was or where the heck it is in CT.
Ahh...Connecticut! We were lucky enough to deliver on New Years Eve and didn't have to worry about picking up a load until the day after New Years. We got permission to drop our trailer and started looking for a cool bar to bring the New Year in at. We stopped at a really cool "fisher man's wharf" style bar, this place had lots of cool nautical antiques but very few people. Asking around, we found that most of the locals were at the country club/resort. After making sure that we could attend, we got directions and took off. $40 per person was the charge just to be able to stay in the bar, but this was an open bar with a buffet of finger foods. We could have forked out the $60 a piece for the fancy dinner and dancing but being truckers and not having fancy clothes with us, we thought it best to stay in the bar. Good thing that we did too. One of the bartenders took us in and made sure that we got the good champagne at midnight not the cheap stuff that everyone else got. What a night! I kissed and hugged people I will probably never see again and got to sing that silly New Year's song with a bar room full of drunks! Eventually the fancy dress people began to mingle with the bar patrons and before we knew it we were swept up into a fabulous dance party that was pretty damn crowded! It was great to dance with different people and I had a wonderful time getting to know those dang Yankees a little better!!
Holiday Inn/Grand Island, NE
Later on in my installments I will be talking about break downs, and this bar story comes from one of those times that our truck broke down in Grand Island, NE. We ended up staying at the Holiday Inn for a 3 day weekend. The first night there is the most memorable. We decided to visit the bar down stairs and get ourselves something to eat. After a great steak dinner, we decided to get down to business and meet the locals and patrons of this little bar. We were fortunate enough to meet this guy who is from Australia, OMG!, what an accent! We found out that this was his first time to America and we had a great time visiting with him. We even exchange currency, a couple of my state hood quarters for 1 of his Australian coins. After the Aussie wimped out for the night, there was only 4 customers left including ourselves. The bartender decided to close early and the 5 of us had a great time drinking free Cabo Wabo shots, playing darts, dancing like fools with the music from the juke box and there was a wet t-shirt competition. As far as any winners go, the guys were flat chested as usual. For the competition with the gals, a winner could not be determined and we decided on a draw.
Just a Note...
I don't want everyone to think we are alcoholics, these stories took 6 years to compile and it's been since 2006 or so since we have had the opportunity to stop at a bar. I don't always go in there with the intention to get drunk and rarely leave in a drunken state. I enjoy hanging out with new people and being a part of their life for just a moment. Making memories and telling stories is just some of the great things about being a trucker. Approach each day with the determination, live one day at a time. Don't focus on the little things, this day is a gift to us from God. Make the best of what you have and live life to it's fullest. There may be no tomorrow, and no one knows what the future has to hold for us. Be sure that your loved ones and friends know that you love and care for them. To know God is to know peace. Be careful out there! I hope to have more installments uploaded to my blog space soon and I really hope that everyone enjoys reading this 4 part installment as much as I did writing it. We are having a great time reminiscing about the past. Michelle
P.S. Please feel free to leave any type of comment you wish, I want your complete honesty. I hope to publish a book one day.
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